Why Am I Still Single?

Why Am I Still Single?

I picked my daughter up from her friend’s house last weekend and asked her whose truck was in the driveway. She said it was her friend’s mom’s boyfriend. I thought, “Wow, really?” I didn’t know her friend’s mom very well, but I did know that just a year ago she was married and last summer they separated. The fact that she moved on so quickly wasn’t a dig on her but more on me. It’s been several years since I’ve divorced, and I’m still single.
How do people find others so quickly?
How do I not?

The next day, walking my dog around the block, I walked by a house of a single mom of 4 boys. This mom has been relatively public about her husband leaving her & her boys just under a year ago. So, while walking, I was shocked to see a man with her. Again, no dig on her. Quite the opposite. I hate to admit it, but I was jealous. Not of that specific man because who knows about his back story, but how do people find others when I’m still alone?

Later that day, I was half-listening to a podcast that auto-played to the next episode. I usually would have skipped it as it didn’t relate to me, but I was zoning out. The conversation was to women that couldn’t get pregnant and the devastation they felt. Part of me kept listening because years ago, I was in this position, too, so I could relate. But as the conversation continued, I realized the truth they were speaking over these women was true for me also during this time. And maybe it’s true for you too.

We were never promised marriage. We were never promised children. We were never promised a successful career.
Our relationship status or motherhood status doesn’t define who we are. Our identity is found in Christ alone. We will never be complete in another person. Our hearts are made to long for something more, and that “more” cannot be found in another person, whether that’s a partner or child. We will only find our “more-ness” in God, the one who formed us. It so hard to lay down our dreams. But it’s the first step. Concentrating on the one who created us, the one who longs to fill us, instead of looking for love outside of us can bring us all the fulfillment we ever dreamed. Today, ask God to fill your heart with longing for him alone.

About this Guest Author

Jen writes at Grace for Single Parents and has a podcast Grace for Single Parents to encourage single moms to live fully in the season they’re in through God’s grace and love. At any given day you can find her eating chips & salsa and binge-watching Modern Family with her kids.


8 Responses

  1. Jon says:

    I like this article because it tells you to concentrate on a higher purpose rather than your and society’s expectations of what you should make of your life. It feels so much better when you think about higher things than all the ordinary stuff we shovel ourselves under. How has concentrating on other things made life more enjoyable?

  2. Sam says:

    Great article! It’s so important not to define who we are by what we have or who is in our lives. I think this is something a lot of people struggle with though. I feel like I see a lot of younger people especially, rushing into marriage and having children so they can “be” someone, when they already are someone. I think a lot of people would benefit from reading this! 

  3. Shanta Rahman says:

    Thank you so much for sharing with us such a beautiful article. I’m really impressed you read the article. I once dreamed I would be married, my family would be my baby, but after reading your article, my thoughts changed completely. That’s what life in this world is all about. It doesn’t look like it now. We have a different pull to God that I would never have felt if I had never read your article. Earlier, after getting married, it would have been very violent to find someone so quickly. But I am alone and unable to find the pain I had in mind through your article today. We have an identity through the life of Christ .I love my life so much and one of my friends saw it but I still didn’t understand as much as I read your article today. Spiritual Live is truly a wonderful life to experience. And thanks again for your wonderful research. And I want to appreciate you.

  4. Sonny says:

    I read the entire article from start to finish. I don’t know if I should mention this but i’ll say it anyway – I laughed when I got to the end because the article had a serious tone to it then it tells about the author eating chips and salsa at any given day and watching Modern Family, it kinda broke the spell! lol! No offense meant! I totally agree that God designed our hearts to have some kind of void that only he can fill. What’s more, God may be planning on sending you his chosen partner – in his time.


  5. Jill says:

    Hi,  Interesting article and stimulatedI me to join the conversation.  I was married, unable to fall pregnant and the marriage lasted 3 years.  Our breakup was nothing to do with me not being able to fall pregnant.  I was broken hearted by the breakup and didn’t remarry for 40 odd years.

    I lived childless and with an occasional beau that went nowhere for all those years.  Let me say not having children was a blessing in disguise.  Being single again I was able to avail myself of travel opportunities that broadened my mind massively.  I would not have been able to travel and many other things if I had a family to take care of.

    My being single for so many years was of my own doing as I “couldn’t commit”.  I was so afraid of getting my heart broken again.  

    When I was 60 I finally was ready to remarry and remain happily married.  This could have happened earlier if I hadn’t blocked it with my fear.

    I believe God will grant us whatever we want but we have to work for it.  Become the best possible version of ourselves and our soul mates will arrive.  To sit back on our laurels and expect our soul mate to suddenly appear without working on being the person to attract our soul mate, is fool’s play.

    Being childless has brought me many experiences I would otherwise not have had and I am ever grateful for my different kind of life.  I truly have been blessed.

    Thanks for the opportunity to share my humble opinion.  Cheers

  6. Larry Morando says:

    Very nice page with an inspiring message. It’s true that not all of us have a marriage, children, and a fortune in our lives. God has a plan for all of us. We need to discover what God’s purpose in life for us and follow through the best we can. I bookmarked your site.  These articles are great.


  7. Cathy Allen says:

    What a thoughtful little article. After my divorce, I had no desire to ever remarry, but I do know the pain of being single. It’s still much better than being in a bad marriage. All the red flags were waving wildly before my marriage, but I ignored them. My family was always cracking jokes about why I was single, so I got married for the wrong reason. Sadly, two beautiful boys had to pay the price for their parents’ shortcomings. If I would’ve just listened to God’s word and married a good Christian; if only I would have heeded the red flags. It can be difficult, but some of us have to learn the hard way that not being married or having children can be a good thing.

    I wish all your readers the wisdom to make the right choices. Thank you for sharing your article.

  8. I just finished reading “Why am I Still Single”. I absolutely loved every single sentence and can especially relate to the “why not me” parts. I’ve been divorced since 1991 and had only one long term relationship after that. Unfortunately, in the end, it wasn’t meant to be. Since then, I have been living single and have asked the same questions you have. I would be still waiting for the answers, if not for my faith in God. He has definitely taught me that He has a plan for all of us. He may not reveal it to us now, but one day He will. He only gives us what we can handle, so I believe when God figures I can handle another relationship, he will provide it.

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